if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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