Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
