I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize