He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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