4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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