just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
