Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
