A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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