The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dicks are not precious.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
