I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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