margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
