So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
