the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
