Sponge bath it is.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
