Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
