I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is Oprah even human
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
