well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
