pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
