He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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