We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
