Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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