He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
