I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
