I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
