if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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