Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
