I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
