Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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