I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
