You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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