How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
