i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
