omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
