So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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