Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

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(585): View more from New York

My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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(419): View more from Ohio

had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

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(310): View more from California

I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now

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(850): View more from Florida

It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"

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(229): View more from Georgia

Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?

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(571): View more from Virginia

This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs

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