i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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