Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
