im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
