hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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