Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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