Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
