The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
