The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
