Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
