I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In America we eat man semen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
