He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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