I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
