And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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