I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
