If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
