I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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