Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
