I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
