Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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(949): View more from California

i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.

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(909): View more from California

I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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(914): View more from New York

The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov

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(601): View more from Mississippi

When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....

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(779): View more from Illinois

The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting

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