You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
