i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
