Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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