just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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