My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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