party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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