My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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