I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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