Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
