end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love you.
Bad choice
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