Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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