At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
