I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
