Me. At least after what I've been through.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
