Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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