If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
