That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
