The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
