What did we do last night that was yellow?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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