U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
