took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize