Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
bring money and cleavage
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
