I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Shame - the story of my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
