and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
