I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
