I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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