my phone needs a breathalizer
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
