I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
